For children, divorce is often times a confusing, difficult, and lonely time. The divorce process introduces a whole new level of uncertainty in a child’s life which may be confusing for them. This article shares some tips on helping your children to thrive during and after the divorce.
How to tell your children about the divorce?
First, you and your spouse should be on the same page when it comes to discussing the divorce with your children. Once you have decided it is the time to tell your children, give your child the benefit of an honest, age appropriate explanation of the divorce. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, so be honest and to the point without giving any specifics. Long-winded reasons may only confuse them and make the situation more difficult. Most importantly, let them know that even though mom and dad don’t always get along, they will always be loved. It is important to say “I love you” and to tell them you will still care for them. Take strides to ensure that your children do not become parties to the divorce by refraining from telling them too much information.
There will be many changes coming to your children’s lives as a result of the divorce. Work hard to go over the details with your children each time there is an upcoming change while remembering that you are the parent and they are the children.
Here are some tips to help with your child’s emotional transition during and after the divorce.
- As parents make sure that you stay involved in your child’s life. Your children need to know that they can count on both their mom and dad at all times.
- Avoid fighting with your spouse and make and extra effort to get along, especially in front of your children. When you fight with your ex children often times internalize this and may experience guilt because they feel like they are the cause of the conflict. Work hard for joint agreement on matters related to the children.
- Never speak disparagingly about the other parent or be mean to the other parent in front of the children. Remember, your children want both you and your spouse to be a part of their lives; when they have problems they need support from both of you.
- Enjoy your time with your kids and encourage them to enjoy the time with your ex.
- Communicate often and directly with your ex; don’t enlist your children to send messages to your ex-spouse.
Divorce is tough. However, by following these steps and staying focused on the future you can transition into an amazing period of transformation where both you and your children thrive.